Still here

Just slogging along through these first weeks. Everything kind of blends together when you have a newborn.
A is not a happy camper right now. I feel so bad because I can't dote on him like I did when it was just he and I. He spends a lot of time right now entertaining himself while I deal with W. And there is always something to be done with W. I had not forgotten how all consuming having a newborn was. I just didn't realize now much it would impact my relationship with A. Being around a three year old is hard enough without having to do it while sleep deprived and with a newborn hanging on your breast. I just hope I am not emotionally damaging A somehow. Sometimes I wish that I didn't worry so much about this kind of thing. I know my parents didn't.
I am trying to be patient with A but when he purposely does things to mess with his sister or to hurt me physically I just want to beat the snot out of him. Yesterday I took him to Target with me alone and we had a great time just like we used to. It made me want to cry because I miss those times. My husband just isn't really supportive of taking A to do fun things alone (like go to the park, etc.) so while W is less easy to transport A and I hang out around the house a lot. I know he gets bored and I try to do as much as I can to incorporate him in the process but it is different than it was before and I know he feels it.
W is getting so big. She weighs 12 pounds now! She started smiling last week and has been much more alert during the day. She wakes up about 3 times a night, which is developmentally appropriate. She is good at holding her head up and is starting to coo occasionally. I find myself constantly trying to remember what A was doing at this age because I keep thinking she should be doing things faster (why isn't she crawling yet?).
W's newborn and 0-3 month clothes are all packed away and she is sporting 3-6 month clothes. Her 0-3 month clothes barely have any wear at all. I need to find someone who has a small newborn baby girl who wants my castoffs. Since this is my last child there is no point in keeping anything that she grows out of now.
I gave away half of my maternity clothes yesterday. I felt weird doing it because some of them I had for 4 years. I was a little sad but only for a millisecond. I am reading to move on to a new phase of my life and start figuring out what I am going to do when I go back to the workforce.