Thursday, August 14, 2008

Into the Abyss

Well, I always thought it couldn't happen to me but it did. I am smack dab in the middle of the rollercoaster ride of Post Partum Depression and Anxiety and it is a ride that I really would like to get off of now. Got my prescription for Zol.oft yesterday and after hemming and hawing about it and then having a panic attack at Bunco I finally took my first pill last night.
I am scared.
Scared that breastfeeding while taking Zol.oft will somehow hurt W.
Scared that this really isn't PPD and I will have to live this way for the rest of my life.
Scared the Zo.loft won't work.
Scared of the side effects of the medicine and how hard it will be to wean myself off of them once I am done.
I am trying to get an appointment for some therapy because I know the medication isn't enough.
Meanwhile, W was up 4 times last night. The sleep deprivation is making me want to ram my head through a brick wall.
I am a sad sorry soul right now.

4 comments:

Amanda said...

I'm glad you're getting help... there's really no way to fight this crap on your own and you're a bigger person than most that you're willing to admit all this publicly. I'm actually really proud of you for taking such a big step.

You are doing a great thing for your daughter and this will not screw her up.

Amanda said...

... and the sleep deprivation is enough to drive anyone crazy. I know from experience- Deacon didn't sleep through the night consistently until about a month ago. We have *always* had to wake up in the middle of the night with him. At one year we were waking up upwards of about 8 times... I finally called on Dr. Ferber which eliminated most of those night callings. Obviously W is too young for that and the measures we took were a bit more drastic than most like to take, but they saved my sanity (what was left of it at least).

Anyways, I just thought I could at least relate to you on sleep issues- I know how lack of sleep can really mess with you.

Adrianne said...

I know this med is going to help you! It has helped so many other mommies and I am so glad you took a step and got help! I am so proud of you! I here if you need to talk! :)

Nicole said...

Take your meds, fellow crazy lady. I am currently taking 100mg of Zoloft every night and it keeps me from falling off the edge of sanity. Therapy=good; no sleep=crazy. You know the drill. Please keep us updated and know that it sometimes takes a little while for the Zoloft to kick in. Also know that you should never go off Zoloft cold turkey once you are on it. TRUST ME!