Why not, I guess is a better question.
I keep thinking that if I just think about certain topics long enough that I will come to some conclusion that will allow me to stop obsessing. But, as my Mom pointed out, these thoughts are not rational and most of them have no logical conclusion. So, I think about them more and more and get more and more obsessed with them. The cycle is never ending.
I am trying to stop myself before going down that path. I just try to change the subject of my thoughts when I start feeling anxious about something. But this is difficult for me because I am used to being able to solve problems in a logical manner. However, my fear and anxiety is so sensitive that it seems that anything will set me off. It is so bad that I can't bear to listen to sad songs I previously enjoyed or watch anything sad on tv. I feel like these things will just push me over the edge that I am so precariously teetering on. I feel like I want to just retreat inside my house and never come out because I don't want to do or see anything to make myself feel scared.
I have my first appointment for therapy next week. The zol.oft hasn't really seemed to kick in yet, although the side effects definitely have. I have been having excruciating headaches but they are manageable with Motrin. So right now I am in a holding pattern.
I want to share my symptoms and thoughts but honestly I am afraid of writing them down because then this all becomes real. I keep telling myself that this really can't be happening to me. That I am imagining these things. But I know that what I am feeling isn't right and in order for me to get better I need to acknowledge this.
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Hang in there! I know you must feel so scared but this happens and you will NOT feel like this forever!! Your bodies hormones need to level out and the medication will help. 3 of my girlfriends had this and they are totally fine...off meds and living a happy healthly life!!!! There is a light at the end of the tunnel...focus on it and you will get there!!!!
I have heard that taking the pills at night really helps with the side effects! It does get better I promise!
A horrible pounding headache from Zoloft can't be a good sign. Write me if you want, I am a Zoloft survivor. The reason it hasn't kicked in yet is because 1) It works "worse' than a placebo because it can only make you worse. Check out my video at http://mx.youtube.com/watch?v=LQW23XCmOCw which concerns me and Zoloft and the horrid horrid nightmare that drug caused me. Do not hesitate to write me at amy@uniteforlife.org
Good luck
You are not alone. I was diagnosed with PPD 3 weeks after my daughter was born. I've been taking Zoloft am seeing a therapist who has been gradually increasing my dosages. I also take a prescription sleep aid, and a lot of what my therapist and I talk about are the thoughts that race through my head and keep me awake all night. The illogical thoughts that get triggered by something completely as innocent as a Dove TV commercial but that quickly spiral into anxious worry and detailed imaginings of improbable scenarios - sad scenarios (what if my husband gets fed up with my erratic and unpredictable emotions and lack of interest in you-know-what; what if I got into a car accident and couldn't care for my daughter anymore; scary scenarios (what if my daughter... you know, the type of stuff you don't want to write about let alone think about happening to your child). I'm an intelligent woman. I know I am. I didn't experience these things before I was pregnant and that made me feel even worse; like I was broken. I know the things I imagine, the anxiety I'm feeling are not likely ever going to happen. And yet I can't control it.
The Zoloft is helping me. Everyone is different. Be open with your therapist about how you are feeling at any given time. Listen to your body and your reactions. Tell close friends and family to tell you if/when they notice a change be it positive or negative in your mood, attitude or behaviour, because sometimes you won't always be aware of it yourself. And most of all - hang in there. You're going to get through this. You are not alone. Believe me. And you will get better. You and your therapist will figure out what works for you.
Trust me when I say that it will get better. I had PPOCD after my first child 3 1/2 years ago. I also took Zoloft. It worked wonderfully. I now have another child who is four months old and I am happy to report that I have been doing great! There is a light at the end of the tunnel! Whatever you do, do not listen to bloggers like Amy Philo. I was in your shoes and it took so much for me to begin taking medicine because of the stigma attached. Reading comments like this only confused my thinking. Truly, the only thing that matters is that you get better, not how you get better. You need to be happy and healthy for your child and only you and your doctors can decide what is right for you!!!
Hi there... I am a PPD survivor and wanted to encourage you. I had to admit that it was happening to ME too, and as soon as I started seeking help I was able to start feeling like myself again. I laugh now at thoughts I had, like, on a walk with my son "what if a pack of rabid dogs (seriously, a pack of dogs in my area is ridiculous) comes out of nowhere... hmmm, I can stick Noah in that garbage can and I can climb up there for safety" What?? But I found a good therapist trained in PPD (important!) and was on medication for 6 months which helped me tremendously. Please don't listen to Amy Philo, she will be of little help to you. Contact postpartum.net for a support person in your area.
You will be yourself again!
Kim
I started having symptoms of PPD/PPOCD at 30 weeks and my daughter is now 3 weeks old. I was just put on a higher dose of zoloft a week ago to try and combat the ocd. I can relate to your post sooo much. It helps to read it because it helps me view this as a temporary illness - I see that someone else feels so much like I feel right now, even though it seems impossible. I've dealt with episodes like this 4 times in my life, each time treated successfully with Zoloft, but every time I cannot see how I will ever get back to normal. That's the worst part of being in the middle ot it - which is why I guess so many women remind us "You will feel like yourself again!" I have to just trust that. Good luck - you aren't alone.
Hi there,
I just wanted to tell you that I have been there...and still am there...trying to claw my way out. This is not easy, and medication is only one piece of the puzzle. I am so proud of your courage to write about your feelings...that's something I have not been able to do. We need to keep in mind that we will not feel like this forever. I've found that I have to fight, and fight HARD, hence the "clawing." Just keep hanging on--that's the only advice I can give you.
http://rachelboldman.blogspot.com
Hey there,we are all here for you.I know how alone you may feel even though there are dozens of people around,you may still feel so alone.I went through it with 2 pregnancy's and I have pmdd on top of it so my moods tend to fluctuate each month.I to feared watching the news,or scary movies,I even did not like to watch religious shows anymore.I felt so alone,so scared,and so crazy.The best thing to do is talk about these thoughts and feelings with others.They will start losing there power when you let it out and notice you are not alone with these feelings.So many women do not say anything in hopes that it will just go away.It may go away but why suffer if you do not have to?My thoughts were of harm towards my baby to what if I accidently poisoned the bottle and did not know it, so I would poor it out.I had so many thoughts towards my children,my self,and others.I felt I was going crazy,and was going to snap any minute.You are on the right path you are here asking for help,it seems you talk with your mother about these things,and now you are seeking a therapist.I love quotes and I hope you dont mind that I leave you a few of them.
FEAR:
F--FALSE
E--EVIDENCE
A--APPEARING
R--REAL
Nothing in life is to be feared, it is only to be understood.
Marie Curie
Once you learn about what you fear,the thing you fear most will lose its power.Let us know how you are doing*HUGGS*
Hi there! I went through hell after my son was born. I had him in Nov 2008. So I'm still going through it but its gotten better. I have the Depression, anxiety & the ocd. The thought I couldn't get out of my head at first was horrible. My friend told me ppd moms sometimes kill there babies. So I started obsessing about it. What is happening to me I thought I was going crazy! I knew I wasn't capable of doing that but I still couldn't get it out of my head. It was the worst experience I've ever had. I'm on Zoloft now & I'm starting to do better! I hope you're doing better too!
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