I feel like total shit today. Everything A did got on my last nerve (I must have a lot of them). I had to stop myself from taking it out on him (by being snippy, not beating the crap out of him) probably 50 times today.
I am sitting here watching him play Sm ash Brot hers on the W!! and wondering if perhaps I could be a lousier Mom. He is absolutely a wonderful child. He jumps around while he is playing this game like he is actually doing the fight moves himself. He had great behavior while at the store today. As far as time outs went there was nothing really out of the ordinary. I still wasn't happy, though. I felt miserable.
I had a thought pop into my head today. Do I give myself permission to be a total raging bitch because of the PPD? I mean, everyone has bad days. But when we have them we do something to make ourselves feel better because we realize that we need to snap out of it in order to function. I just seem to get lost in it.
Lost in
feeling hopeless about my life
being tired all the time
worrying about when this will all go away
wondering if somehow there is something more I should be doing
being annoyed by everything my children do
This is one of these days where I want to just get in my car and drive away. And of course S is working late tonight so I have no respite in sight.
W has a double ear infection and has been waking up every 1-2 hours all night long for 3 days. I don't know how much longer I can do this.
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3 days ago
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4 comments:
I think with PPD you unfortunately allow yourself to think that your feelings aren't normal... Think about it- you have a LOT going on right now... one really sick kid, a 3.5 year old who is quite normal (annoying, energetic, whiney, testing, etc...), PPD, and a house to take care of. You have a right to have bad days PPD or not. The PPD, unfortunately, is just going to make everything heightened :(
Cate, I can totally relate. The only thing that helps me is taking it one day (and to be honest, sometimes one hour) at a time when it comes to mothering my children. I had a SHITTY moment yesterday w/ Cam, and felt awful, but told myself that the next moment would be a better one, and it was. Somedays you just have to get through by using tiny little baby steps from one moment to the next. It's so hard. XOXOXO
Are you feeling better??? Love ya!
I hope that by today, things are feeling a bit better. If not, ask for help in getting some sleep. Protect your sleep like you would protect one of your children.
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