Yesterday was a terribly frazzling day. I seriously wondered if I should call S home from work because A was on a bender that caused him to spend almost 20 minutes in a row in time out. At one point I actually had to smack him on the butt because he decided during nap time to go outside by himself into the backyard and fill his bed with rocks (this was all done while I was trying to put W down for a nap at the other end of the house). I honestly felt so stressed out that I was calculating how much money it would cost to put A and W in daycare so I wouldn't kill him. And as A's behavior has become more and more obnoxious I am seriously starting to doubt my ability to handle two children.
Do I enjoy smacking my son? No. When I have had to do it I end up feeling like the biggest shit that ever lived. I have asked S for alternate solutions and he hasn't gotten back to me.
I feel like the worst mother in the world. I wish there were some kind of book that I could read that would tell me the best way to parent my children. All I want is for A to grow up to be a good person and to be happy. But I honestly doubt my ability sometimes to translate that desire into parenting him properly.
Old Betty Crocker Candy Cane Cookies
17 hours ago
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2 comments:
Ummm it is called having a 3 year old! Isn't it lovely! Now you know why I am not a stay a home mom! I spent all day Friday with my boys and Saturday, and of course Sunday with boys and dh. And am SO glad to be back at work today!!! Good luck!! That is all I can say! 3 is an awful awful age!
I'm coming to this over a month late, but this entry spoke to me... Perhaps because this was me last week. You are not alone and you are NOT in any way allowed to feel like a bad mom. These ages are both extremely challenging.
I've read your more recent entries that say that you're feeling better, which is fantastic, but you're going to have more days like this, and I don't want you to ever feel like you don't have support. If anyone judges you, f*&k 'em. They probably don't have kids or claim to have those "easy" ones who, I believe, are the products of fiction or selective memory.
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